"it" just moved
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
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I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
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Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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