How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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