Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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