i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
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too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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