Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
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How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
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Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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