Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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