why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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