you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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