I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
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I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
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Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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