i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize