I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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