Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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