Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i dont even know how to be here
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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