Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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