is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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