drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize