I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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