Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
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Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
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Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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