and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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