I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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