So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
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while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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