I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
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