My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
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Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
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Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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