I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize