I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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