dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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