i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize