just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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