She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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