Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize