Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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