I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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