My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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