Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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