A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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