currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize