I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Say something about gay babies.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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