we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize