Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
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you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
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I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize