we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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