Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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