I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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