nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize