we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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