I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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