I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize