Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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