Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
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What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
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He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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