We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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