I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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